My Boyfriend Left Me For A Dog

My boyfriend left me for a dog
My boyfriend left me for a dog
It hurt so much I want to cry
He left me sitting high and dry.

I would have understood a woman
A pretty face and a big bosom
But he left me for an ol’ dam dog
Left me in a cryin’ fog.

Oh life ain’t fair and it ain’t right
He left the state so I can’t fight
Can’t punch him in his big dumb nose
Just left me here with all my woes.

My boyfriend left me for a dog
My boyfriend left me for a dog
It hurt so much I want to cry
He left me sitting high and dry.

I could even get if he took a man
Even a pig, would make nice ham
Guess he likes four legs bett’r than mine
He used to say that mine were fine.

Someday I’ll see his sorry face
And pull out my lil’ can of mace
I’ll make him cry with a squirt or two
I’m make him sorry, make him rue.

My boyfriend left me for a dog
My boyfriend left me for a dog
It hurt so much I want to cry
He left me sitting high and dry.

 

Song by Bill Bentley
All rights reserved
(Written for Shania Twain to sing)

 

 

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What’s happening?

Quiet blog.  Been busy – in a good way – but time for an update…

Went on a diet and lost weight.  Now in the correct BMI range.   Good move according to all the books.  My wife doesn’t like that I did it. She thinks my face now looks too thin.  I think she was just used to my former face for so long and it’s now different.  In a year I’ll look normal to her again.

Starting to find ways to build exercise into my otherwise fairly sedentary life.  Little things, like every morning it takes my computer about five minutes to boot.  For years I’ve sat there and stared at it doing booting up, sometimes fruitlessly banging on keys or clicking things hoping it would become responsive sooner, always to no avail.  Now I hop on my new Gazelle exercise machine for five minute, get the heart and blood pumping for those five minutes, kick start my metabolism engine for the day, then when I go back to my computer it’s fast and ready for action and so am I.   It’s strangely satisfying and is almost pure ‘found time’ that didn’t used to exist for me.   I’ll be using that machine more and more.  I just re-tooled my office and now have a new monitor next to that machine so I’ll soon be able to watch movies and TV shows via the web while exercising.  I hate exercising with nothing else to occupy my mind.  I also do things like park as far away from the place I’m going when I drive so I  have to walk farther from the car to the store or office.   These little things add up over years, all in a positive way.  That one little thing with the computer boot-up exercise will result in about 1,300 hours of extra aerobic exercise over the rest of my life.  Just that one little thing!

Did I mention I’ve enrolled in grad school?  This is semester #2.  So far I’m loving it.   I think i’m the oldest student in the program I’m in at my college.  So far it appears that I’m also older than all the professors, at least the ones I’ve met.  If they notice, they haven’t told me.  Maybe they whisper about it behind my back.  I don’t worry about it.  I can often help some of the students and often the professors.  Some of the students and all of the professors can help me.  This is exercise for the brain.  It’s also re-tooling and preparing me for my next 15-20 years of consulting.   It’s also more exercise since the parking lot I drew in the parking lottery is on the opposite side of the campus from the classrooms I use.  They offered to put me on a waiting list for a closer parking spot and I declined.   Being that far away guarantees at least an hour of fast walking every week I have classes.  Why change that?  It’s also a bit of fresh air, I can do some people watching, and occasionally meet someone new and chat.    

Most of us let our education and training get old.  Things evolve fast and we have to evolve with it.  It’s a rare company today that will make sure it’s employees keep up with things.  You have to take responsibility for that yourself.   If you are self-employed then duh!   With the web and lots of virtual training available now, this is easier than ever before yet strangely, people still don’t do it nearly as much as they could.

I love my ‘new’ field of applied statistics.  It’s a natural extension of engineering and science.  It will probably be useful.  <smile>  I’m only taking my 2nd and 3rd class in the program and have already landed a consulting assignment because of it.  This is going to be  a slam dunk winner.

I hang out with a lot of people my own age in various clubs, dinners, etc.   At school I hang out with people half my age.  I need to do that more.  Not only is it interesting and energizing, but as I get closer to my goal, all my current peers will be dead.  I need to make younger friends now or I’ll be lonely later on.   It’s a bit of advance planning.  One thing that is sad about my younger associates in school however is that despite their much younger ages, many of them seem mentally older than I expected.  I’ll know more about that as I get to know them.  Maybe it’s because they are mostly working professionals going to school at night so are dead tired in these evening classes while I’m fresher and pumped up.  I didn’t have to put up with a day of office politics before class.  Now that I can compare my extensive corporate life to over a decade of self-employment, I’m sure that a day of typical corporate office frustrations, inefficiency and politics is more draining than an entire week of ‘real work’.   

One last thing before I stop for today.  When I started my new educational effort, I made a decision to slow down marketing my business.   I thought that it would be best to concentrate on doing well in school and let work and income fall both to give me time and energy.  I can afford to do that.   Very strangely however, my consulting and training work has skyrocketed.  i’m having one of the busiest years ever so far.  Too soon to tell if this is a random effect or a result of more energy.  Am I projecting a more self-confident impression when I talk to prospective clients so landing more work?   I’m not stopping my business, just being more laid back about it and not ‘trying’ to get work so hard.  I told myself I would just do what falls into my lap.  Looks like the diet may have been a bad idea.  I may need a bigger lap.

Bye for now…

The Clients

They appear professional.
They always send the little details when needed.
There is a high tech room to work in.
The stuff in that room would feed a Somali family for ten years

They charge lots of money to their public clients
and teach their clients how to be good,
how to solve problems,
how to be perfect.

They are true capitalists, chasing money without soul.
They are famous for their excellence themselves
but inside they are lacking,
even corrupt

They do not possess the management skills of a child,
hiding behind emails and others,
afraid to look confrontation in the eye,
not knowing how to analyze situations themselves,
not able to tell the difference between a mistake and a terrorist.

They are a sheep in wolves clothing wrapped in a school.
They don’t realize their own failings
even as they teach others
how to deal with their failings.

Oh well…Welcome to the world.
They will make good politicians
when they grow up,
if they grow up.

The Plan

The owl circled around the dunderhead below
patiently waiting for him to look away
so it could swoop in and get the cheese off his head.
The dunderhead didn’t know the owl was there as
the majestic bird was silent as owls always are.

Across the field the mercurial cyclops had his eye
on the dunderhead too, but not for the cheese.
The dunderhead had absconded with his generator
and he wanted it it back.

Why a cyclops would need a generator is not the point.
The point is it was his and the dunderhead took it.
The billious cyclops nibbled on a truffle with cloves and salt (his favorite food)
while the willowy trees in the distance made it difficult to focus
his one-eyed view on his lost belonging.

The cyclops wished he had artillery
then he could take care of the dunderhead from where he was,
but it might damage the generator so he allowed his ego to subside.
Twice now he has had violent thoughts but his self-control
allowed them to float upwind like ghosts while he regained his composure.

The dunderhead will only squander away the generator.
Why should he have it anyway?
This was twice in one day he has stolen from the cyclops.
First the cheese, then the generator.
The motive for this strange behavior was elusive.

The dunderdead was not at all quiet about his achievement
but for all of his noisy rodomontade, seemed to have no plan
other than to curl up with his new prizes,
not even smart enough to wonder what to do with them.

The non-pareil cunning of the owl was now apparent
as the owl quietly headed for the nearby ocean, dove in
and emerged with a quahog from the frothy water dripping with seaweed.
It landed on a fence next to a svelte cowbird and began to softly hoot.

Soon both birds flew single mindedly towards the dunderhead
and upon reaching him, begin to squawk and swirl around him
in a flurry of excitement and activity, the swinging seaweed
adding to the confusion.

The dunderhead jumped up to swat at the irritating birds.
Although he seemed to be content to let the cheese remain on his head
he did not want the birds to have it, selfish dunderhead that he was.
In his excitement, swatting and swinging, he walked towards the sea
and soon fell into a nearby gutter-like depression in the earth.

As the dunderhead tripped, miraculously the cheese flew into the air
where the owl immediately snatched it with its claws,
simultaneously releasing the quahog for the cowbird to grab and fly away to eat.

The birds had no use for the generator and by then the cyclops had already
single-eyed his way over to it and squatted, resolved to never again leave it alone.

Reunion

I bought it for the rats and mice
One day when feeling mad
The wandering neighbor kitty cats
were being very bad.

I heard they hunt the rodents
And are very good at it
but my neighbor cats are lazy
don’t seem to care a whit.

I can’t get a cat myself
they make me tear and sneeze
so the neighbor cats were perfect
some milk, some food, some cheese

and both mice and cats would party
on my patio at night
the mice would eat the cheese and
the cats would eat the mice.

But alas it did not work so I bought a gun instead
one that shoots small pellets using gas and makes no noise
so as not to alarm the neighbors who are nervous as it is
I still want their cats around, by now they’re like my boys.

My gun was not so good though, guns and I don’t flow
And the pellets merely bounce, off the rats when they are hit.
the one time that I hit one, which was years and years ago
It looked at me as if to say “You useless human twit!”

So I put the gun away, into a nice safe place
so my kids would never find it and think I was mean
Or even worse, play with it and hurt their precious face
It may not hurt the rats but my kids would surely scream.

And there it sat for years till I saw a squirrel one day
sitting there in front of me, just sitting looking smug
The same one I’m sure that was in my attic all damn day
I decided it was time to hunt so outta here he’d bug.

I searched my house for that darn gun
I searched it low and high
I looked in every drawer and nook
but the gun I did not spy.

I looked for days, then weeks then more
The squirrel was now a dozen
I almost called my family up
to get one from my cousin.

But I couldn’t admit I’d lost a gun
in my own safe home and house
It made me mad, it made me sad, like a real bum
I got depressed and slowed way down and decided I’m a louse.

The years went on, the squirrels thrived
the gun was now forgotten
My kids grew up and moved away they never found it either
I started to clean and organize to put my house in order.

One day while sorting tax receipts
from years ago to shred
I took a group of papers from
a pile under my bed

And in the box with those old shards
I found my precious pistol
By now it was in my own mind
As if a precious crystal

that I’d been given from a lost love,
the one that got away
one that I was proud of
but couldn’t get to stay.

My heart lept for joy as I cradled this fine thing
It could not hurt a rat or squirrel
or maybe anything
But it was lost and now was found and my heart began to sing.

My gun! my gun! my gun! my gun!
I held it in my hand
I shed a tear and then I said
You are now gone and banned.

I broke it up and threw the parts
into the trash with taxes
The rodents watched through my office glass
As I demolished it with axes.